Ok, so I'm not kidding I am over being fat. Last night I started looking up anorexia websites because, well, I honestly wanted some tips. I thought they would all be recovery ones but I might still find something. Well, I found a LOT, much more than I thought was out there. There's a whole sub-culture of PRO anorexia support!
It is WEIRD... I'm not anorexic, I'm just dieting. That's the truth because I still eat, I don't want my metabolism to stop, I'm still OVERWEIGHT. And I LIKE a very slender body. I WANT to be skinny, like i was just after high school. Sure I was partying a LOT and using drugs, but I'm seriously going to TRY to get like that again without drugs.
Today for breakfast I had coffee, and 2 bites of Simeon's cereal (215 cal tops) lunch I had HALF a sandwich and some blueberries and vitamin water(400) and I'm gonna have a mid afternoon snack of yogurt and a clementine. And for dinner I'm making a pasta bake with cheese and sausage. THAT's the worst hard part: feeding my boys and ALSO loosing weight. It's practically impossible. OK I'm gonna TRYYYYY to only eat ONE CUP of that bake and I'll put it on a small plate and eat really slow. And I'll take an alli.
I was 186 when I started back at the gym TWO months ago. In all that time I've only lost 8 pounds--I weighed in today at 178. that makes me happy but it's WEAK. Fuck that. I want to loose NO LESS than 3 pounds a week until I'm not kidding :125
It feels so good to say all this out loud if even only to myself.
HAHA, I need to clean my camera
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