I went to Red Robin with my group after the meeting and I was SO GOOD. I just had a mint tea. When I got home I cleaned the whole kitchen and swept and mopped and then came in the living room and did another ab routine. 100 crunches + a couple other things.... It feels GOOD to be NOT FULL. I can suck in my stomach and I'm still fat but I'm not bloaty and roundy inside. I'm NOT meant to be this way! I obsess about it way too much--like nonstop constantly. I know other girls just as big or bigger and I don't think they're fat pigs, but it's just not ME. I'm meant to be lengthy and flexible. I'm so miserable like this its a WONDER I haven't taken drastic measures sooner!
What the fuck?? I've been keeping this inside me for YEARS. I mean, I tell Mike I hate it but I try to down play it because I don't' want him to worry about me at all. I did mention tonight that I'm going on a diet and a hard one too. He said not to go too hard because then I'll get burned out and give up. I will NOT give up. This is the END of fat for me.
According to the Livestrong website I use to track my intakes and workouts, in order to loose 3 pounds a week I should eat 1200 calories a day. It takes into account my regular activity, but when I work out, I can supposedly eat that many more calories. Today I had 1100 Calories AND I worked out. Amazing. This day is a success.
I NEVER go to bed hungry so that's the scary thing right now. I don't know if I can do it. SO worst case, I'll warm up a cup of 1% milk if I can't sleep.....
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